My nipple is on Facebook.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
