those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
