I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
