I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
COCAINE IS GR8
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
