Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
