Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
