What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
