I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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