My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
