I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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