i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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