your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Boobs speak an international language.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
