My balls are so social today.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
