hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
