Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
