Pregnant stripper...not hot.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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