ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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