He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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