She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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