I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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