even my farts smell like vagina
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
