never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
