and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
