just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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