How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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