So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
