Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
