I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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