I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
