Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
