We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
