Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
