May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
