just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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