This is not my ceiling
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
