I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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