Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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