pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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