I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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