Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
