i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
