Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
