the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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