I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
