We won't sleep together?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So much Jack, so little girl.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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