they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
