You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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