Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
