didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
