Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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