It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
