i think my tv is drunk
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
